Dear Homeschool Mama, You Can Lead a Horse to Water, But You Can’t Make Him Drink.
Probably most of us have never actually tried to lead a horse to water and make him drink. However, most of us have had the experience of trying to make our kids learn. I think we can resonate with the gist of this proverb that we can provide opportunities but we can’t make them take them.
And yet we still try.
I’ve seen post after post on Facebook from seriously frustrated homeschool mamas, all basically asking “How do I make my child sit down and do his school work? How do I make him LEARN?”
See, that’s thing. We can’t really.
We can lead our kids to learning opportunities, but we can’t make them learn.
This begs the question “How do we educate our kids, then?”
We have to go back and look at how we learn.
We learn through repetition and through emotion. (Yes, I’ve probably mentioned this before, but ya know, repetition and all that…)
You can train animals with a lot of repetition and with rewards and punishments. But you can’t actually MAKE a horse drink. You can’t MAKE a dog do something it doesn’t want to. It will bite you!
You can actually train children to memorize information with a lot of repetition and punishments. But you can’t MAKE them like it or want it. And if they don’t like it, they’re not going to remember it.
Children are not little puppy dogs. They are humans, and they have feelings, and they can choose what they want to do and what they don’t. We want to have a good relationship with them.
Not only that, I want my kids to LOVE learning so that they will keep choosing to learn. I want them to love thinking so they apply the knowledge they learn to become better and help other people. And quite frankly, I don’t want the pressure to always feel like I have to make them learn.
The problem with the “make my kid learn” method is that it creates a lot of power struggles. If we are constantly trying to make our children gain the knowledge we think they should have, it will make our relationships very difficult indeed.
In fact, this is why most people prefer to send their kids to school. It just seems easier to not have to make them learn anything and seems to save our relationships (but we still nag them to do their homework…)
But is that how we really want it? Do we just want to train the kids to fill their heads with knowledge by doing things they don’t want to do so they can take a test and forget it basically afterwards? Do we want to have a relationship where we have to power struggle to get them to do what we want them to do? (Whether or not they are in school!)
I sure don’t! That’s why I would rather present my children with the opportunities to learn, to make it a fun time so they love it, than MAKE them do their workbooks. I would rather make soap with my girls (like we did this morning) and create an experience that they will enjoy and remember than slog through a boring textbook.
But they won’t learn if I don’t make them!
Of course they will! And they’ll do it much faster if they love it. Children were born curious. They can’t help but keep learning until we start requiring it all.
But they will get behind!
Behind what? It’s not a race. Grade levels are a manmade invention to make it more efficient to fill kids with knowledge in a classroom.
Kids learn when they want to learn. They do it well and they love it when we lead them to water and we don’t make them drink.
So how do you get your kid to do their school work?
Do you bribe them? Do you yell at them? Do you get frustrated? Do you trade time for video games?
That’s what most people do.
Is it effective? Sort of.
They might get the assignment done eventually — but what are they really learning?
Is this what your kids are learning?
If I throw a fit, then mom will offer me a reward.
If I don’t do it, mom will get mad, so I’d better do it. (Mom’s moods are dependent on my behavior.)
If I just hurry and get this done (do the bare minimum), then I can get to playing video games.
If I just SAY I did it, then I can get to playing video games.
If I dawdle long enough, I might not have to do it.
I don’t know about you, but that’s not what I want my kids to learn.
Here’s what I want my kids to learn:
I love exploring new ideas, it’s fun!
I love to hear good stories because I can see the story in my mind and I can relate to the characters.
I can create anything I put my mind to!
I am good. I can do it. I have confidence.
I have a purpose in life. I gain the knowledge I need to become better and help others.
That’s why I don’t *require* my kids to do school work. I set up opportunities for learning, then I make it worthwhile and fun, and choose things they are ready and willing for. I train them to have good habits, so they can be consistent. They learn! They CHOOSE to learn! And sometimes they don’t choose my opportunities — and they still learn something. We don’t have to have power struggles. Our relationships can be good because my role is NOT to make my kids learn, but rather to empower them to learn by providing them with opportunities.
It does take a leap of faith. I get it, I really do. I didn’t think it was going to work either. But it’s such a better way to homeschool and it works way better than I ever imagined!
Might be something interesting to ponder…